Orange-flavored scalp staples

Anonymous submission (emergency physician)

EM here. So the hospital was trying to hire a new midlevel one day. They found a family medicine NP who had a few orientation shifts.

The NP staffed a patient with me as "patient came in with a headache. It's moderate. Also doesn't complain of chest pain. So umm...I think we should get a CT scan and if negative she can go home."

Me: "Wait, WTF just happened? Did I just have a seizure? Can you tell me anything more about the headache???? Did you do a physical exam?"

The same NP was handed a stapler for a scalp laceration. The nurse found her stapling an orange to practice. They then walked into the patient's room with the same stapler.

Ortho doc came in to reduce an ankle and the NP helped. The NP put the Ortho-Glass in a water bin. Said NP stood there and kept it in the bin and then handed the soaked splint to the doc.

Said NP wasn't hired.

I acknowledge this was a rare breed of special, but someone, somewhere, gave this person a degree that allows them to practice without supervision in some places...